Rediscovering My Erogenous Zones: My Solo Pleasure Journey

Hello friends! Sit down, grab a drink and let’s talk about something personal. My relationship with sex has shifted. I’ve been navigating the wild, crazy, confusing rollercoaster of perimenopause. A completely natural part of being a woman but what I didn’t think about what how my interest in sex with a partner isn’t the same. Which isn’t necessarily a problem. But it is a shift for me.

If you’ve been following some of my articles, you’ll know I’ve talked rather openly about my sex life with my husband – much to his horror at times. It was wonderful! We explored a lot of new things together, pushed each other’s boundaries safely and respectfully, and our relationship grew. But life does this thing where it changes… right?

A personal evolution: shifting focus to me

I’ve reached a stage of life where I need to prioritise myself in many ways. I’ve spent years prioritising my relationship, my kids, my career. Now, I want to focus more on nourishing my own body and mind. It’s an evolution of me.

I’m no longer focusing purely on others; I’m embarking on a deeply satisfying journey of self-love.

This, my friends, has led me down a path of personal pleasure exploration. I’m getting reacquainted with my own body. I’m mapping out the territory of my erogenous zones and I’m here to help you discover yours too!

What actually is an erogenous zone?

Before we dive into the really juicy bits (hehe), let’s get into some facts. An erogenous zone is an area of the body that when stimulated, can increase sexual arousal and lead to orgasm. And amen to that!

However, not every body is the same. I can point you to the hot spots – and I’m getting there, I promise. But what makes me moan might make you meh, if you catch my drift.

Erogenous zone quick facts

• There isn’t a magic number of ‘erogenous zones’. Some sources might state there are 7 or even 12 or more, but the truth is that any part of your body can be an erogenous zone. It depends on your unique self.
• The clitoris is the biggest pleasure powerhouse. With over 8,000 nerve endings (yikes!), it exists purely for pleasure. Mother Nature took care of us there ladies.
• They’re not just your genitals! There are many zones outside the genitals that can give you thrills and many methods and tools to help find them.

How to find your erogenous zones

There’s only one way to find your erogenous zones: slow, deliberate exploration. The benefit is that there’s no pressure when exploring yourself. Take your time, enjoy yourself!

Start with the ones you know, then slowly branch out. What feels best? Light, feathery strokes? Firm rubs? Fast? Or slow and deep? Get hands on and try it out. If you’re looking for somewhere to start, here’s some suggestions.

The popular hot spots

• The Clitoris. As I said, this baby is born for pleasure, with the most nerve endings than any other part of the body. Don’t be ashamed if you aren’t exactly sure where it is. Find the little nubbin where your inner labia meet. There is a whole clitoral network that is kinda like a wishbone extending internally. If you want to find this sweet spot, start around the hood and work your way inwards. Trial light, medium and firm touch and test which works best for you.
• The G-Spot. This is located a few inches up the front wall of the vagina, towards your belly button. The easiest way to find it is insert a few fingers inside, palm faced up and curl them into a stroke upwards – like a “come here” motion. It may feel a little spongy and ridged. Some people love it, some don’t! My advice… give it a go.
• The A-Spot. I didn’t even know this existed until I started researching this topic myself. It’s a bit further up than the G-Spot near the cervix. You’ll need deep, firm pressure to find it. In fact, it’s the spot often hit during deep penetration. I didn’t find it with my fingers but when I used my Ina Wave 2 vibe, my good gracious I found it!

The erogenous zone underdogs

Now we start to play! Many parts of your body are packed with sensitive nerve endings. Here are a few to explore:

• Neck and ears. My weakness lies here. The skin is so thin and sensitive, and it only takes a gentle blow of air, a light nibble or a soft kiss to wet my nether regions.
• Lips. Kissing is not just a powerful erogenous zone because of the nerve endings but it also is a point of great emotional connection. You don’t need a partner to enjoy your lips. You can run your tongue or fingers gently over them as you play with yourself.
• Nipples and breasts. Something I’ve enjoyed is playing with different temperatures around my nipples. Like an ice cube circling my nipple in a warm soapy bath. Or warm candle wax dripped carefully around them.
• Inner thighs. A given, considering they’re so close to the ‘main event’ but I love to tease myself here. Strokes, with a toy or my nails. Gentle massages with oil.
• Lower back and feet. The pressure points in these areas also have a high concentration of nerves and can be a sensational area to play with. A firm sensual massage or a light, feathery touch. I love running warm water over my feet in the bath while I play with my nipples.

Toys for your erogenous zone toolbox

If you’re ready to commit to some self-love, you might want to consider some ‘tools’ for the job. I haven’t tried every tool that exists but here are some I love or that have been recommended to me.

• Air pulse vibrators. This is one I love. It’s almost a little too much at times, but if I want to get the job done, I turn right to my trusty Satisfyer Pro 2. It doesn’t touch the clitoris but uses air pressure waves to create a fluttering sensation. There is a new version out as well if you must have the latest model.
• G-Spot vibrator. I personally haven’t used one, but these are designed with the perfect angle to send vibrations directly into that front spongy area. I like the look of the Wild Secrets Charm G Spot Vibe.
• Longer and larger dildos or vibrators. A toy with a significant length (5-8inches) and a curve are perfect to reach that A-Spot and cervix. Have a look at the Wild Secrets Cherish 7.1″. This is on my shopping list… the length, the clitoral pearl pulse options and the thrusting functionality. Christmas is coming up I suppose!

I may have given you the map, my dear friend, but you are the explorer! Go on a journey and connect with yourself in a profound and utterly selfish way. You deserve it!

Find your fire and don’t be afraid, it could be the best love story you’ll ever write.