Wild Secrets Bliss 2 Wand Massager Reviewed

If you like your climaxes to be in the style of your favourite exorcism movie, with your head spinning backwards and your body crawling on your own roof style scene, I need to warn you about something. Your spine will be safe with The Bliss 2. And so will your fingernails.

The Bliss 2 is however, a powerhouse of a magic wand. It’s loud and packs a punch, but not in the usual way. And unfortunately, it’s not my best toy ever. But it may be yours.

For context, I don’t necessarily need to be climbing the walls to feel like I’ve achieved an award-winning climax, but my general go-to adult products have the clitoral sucking mechanism on them, or a finer clitoral stimulation component. I’ll admit, even those can be ‘too much’ for me if they are turbo charged – one spontaneous buy made me feel like I was about to be sucked into a Dyson vacuum cleaner bag, clitoris first. I genuinely feared for my sexual future trying to detach myself from that one. The toy I mean, not the vacuum cleaner.

Also I’d never actually used a wand massager before this Bliss. But in the spirit of trying something new, I committed to using the Bliss 2 three times before I wrote this review. And I’m glad I did.

But can we talk about ‘massagers’ for a second? Whenever I see an adult product called a ‘massager’, I know there is an element of disguise here. Naming the product with the intention to break through the marketing rules on social media. We know that’s is often the case. On the Bliss 2 Massager the external packaging clearly states for every ‘external erogenous zone on the body‘. Noted. External use only. But I’m still not completely convinced.

Bliss 2 first impressions

From the get-go, this product has a sense of style and elegance. The packaging is simple and sleek. Much like the design of the product. There is something classy about the look of it. And the name ‘Bliss’ gives off the sense of energy I am searching for.

I’m not here to review the box, however, so let’s have a real crack at it.

I open the box and I am greeted with a microphone shaped toy. I’m a comedian, so I am more than used to holding this shape. Only ever near my mouth though. Until now. The handle is simple and smooth, with a wide grip, again, much like a microphone. It is pink and sleek, with a soft touch texture. At the top is the bulb-type shape, which is attached inside the silicone as an almost separate piece, with a somewhat flexible neck.

I have to be completely honest here – it looks like something I would like to feel inside me. 10 vibrating functions. Flexible neck. The shape. Surely?! But it also looks like the shape that could get stuck in there and end up being a story that will get talked about at Friday night drinks for the Emergency Department team at the local hospital. I’m genuinely not sure this one would be safe to insert. Or remove.

After fiddling with the buttons for a couple of seconds, I decided to have a read of the instructions. There is a covered USB port for charging, a soft butterfly button on the front of the handle to change the settings, light-up numbering for displaying the setting, and a classy gold button covering the entire base. The light up numbering seems a little unnecessary to me, but I guess some people like to head straight for their lucky number.

A beast in bliss clothing

The first thing I noticed was that this product is strong and has volume. Not as loud as a Singer sewing machine, but it’s definitely not the toy to sneak into your suitcase for your Christmas holidays at your Aunty Margaret’s house. I am a single mother, with not the thickest of walls in my house, so if you are looking for something quiet and discreet, this one is not for you. It’s a beast in Bliss clothing.

Moving the massager around my body felt nice, but the noise is a real distraction for me. I think I expected ‘Bliss’ to support a more relaxed state of mind. I wasn’t expecting library silence, but a gentle hum perhaps. It’s a bit like trying to enjoy a movie at the cinema, and a quiet, romantic scene comes on, but someone is sitting next to you shovelling popcorn in their face while still breathing through their mouth. I find it hard to relax with distractions. Or concentrate.

Moving the Bliss 2 onto my vulva felt nice. There is something about the shape of the head of this one that distinctly resembles the head of a penis. It feels more like one than any other product on the market that I’ve experienced. And it does that without the need for a veiny shaft or a chunk of balls at the base.

You know that feeling when you first experience a new penis, particularly when it is a larger size, and before intercourse, you rub it around every part of your vulva as almost a tease of what is to come? This definitely brought back flashbacks of being held up against the metal tennis court fence by a now somewhat famous Australian footballer at a Blue-Light disco. A memory I am more than happy to re-live with the help of the Bliss 2 Wand.

One thing to know is the Bliss 2 is really designed to be gripped only from the sides, meaning you can’t add pressure from your fingers from the base. Probably to stop you putting it in. If you’re like me though and want to simulate entering your body – while not actually putting it in – you may end up accidentally hitting the gold button and turning it off.

Finding the bliss

The second time I reached for the Bliss I realised I wanted a different experience. So I went back to old faithful. The third time though? I just explored with no expectations. I knew it was loud, so I skipped the upper half of my body and went straight for the vulva. And third time was a charm!

I held the wand tilted downwards on a slight angle, and found that the real benefit of the Bliss: the wide head. Holding that almost completely still and allowing the mechanics to do their work… Then I twisted my hand, shifted it just a little and found exactly how the Bliss 2 worked on me.

It’s like those moments when you are so close to having an orgasm, but you need your lover to move their position ever-so-slightly to reach climax. The Bliss 2 really gives you a good base coverage of stimulation so you can give it a slight twist in position and achieve any angle you desire, without removing sensation. And get you there.

I didn’t crawl on the roof, or spin my head around 360 degrees, but it was a proper, toe-curling orgasm all the same. Turns out Bliss doesn’t need an exorcism to get the job done.

Given the noise and the thin walls of my house, the Bliss 2 Massager isn’t a toy I’d buy for myself, but I am glad to have it in my kit when I want to mix things up a little or flash back to a crush of days gone by.

Would I recommend it to you though? Sure – if you’re patient, have thick walls, and are a fan of very strong vibrations.