Tips on tantric sex toy play for her, him and couples
Tantra and sex toys is a hot topic! Some may argue that toys have no place in tantra due to its traditional roots, however, as a permission-granter who doesn’t believe in rules, just great education for empowered decisions, I would like to share my views on this topic for the more adventurous explorers.
I’m sure many of you have already heard how tantra can increase your orgasmic pleasure, help you last longer and deepen your intimacy and connection with yourself and a partner.
But how do we actually achieve this, and how can we do this with toys?
The essence of tantra is ritual-based and is focussed on four core principles: Intention and Presence, Breath, Sound and Movement.
Intention helps us to stay on path. Practicing mindfulness and deepening connection by slowing down your breathing and making pleasure sounds, moving your body and the energy, helps you come out of your busy mind and be more present and embodied in the moment.
Why is this important? Because when your mind is calm you are no longer goal-oriented. You can then experience the sweetness of being on the journey to achieve sexual orgasmic ecstasy in all its flavours!
The essence of tantra is ritual-based and is focussed on four core principles: Intention and Presence, Breath, Sound and Movement.
As well as experiencing more pleasure states, a tantric approach to sexual connection can be transformative and help to heal and release old mindsets, emotional blocks and even past traumas.
Doing so with sex toys can be a fun adventure. They can offer you a variety of new stimulating ways to experience pleasure. They can also revamp your sex life if things are feeling a tad boring or even, non-existent.
Having the right attitude towards toys is key to having mind-blowing orgasmic experience. Like everything in life, it’s all about balance when using toys.
For example, some toys are friction-based and long-term ongoing use can make it harder to achieve orgasm and pleasure without the same or harder stimulation. So, it’s important to be present at all times, listen to your body and always read recommendations in the instruction manual when provided.
Tantric Basics
The love muscle
This technique is a must-know for tantric explorers and involves the ‘love muscle’ or ‘love pump’ commonly known as the ‘pelvic floor’. To locate this muscle, imagine that you are about to urinate and squeeze the muscle that would stop the stream of urine. That there is your ‘love muscle’ (LM).
Squeezing this muscle is one of the foundational practices in tantra. When practiced it can assist with the building of sexual energy in the body and when intention and breath are added you can focus and direct that energy around the body for a more heightened experience.
Heart and yoni/lingam connection
A foundation of tantric practice is bringing awareness to connecting energy from your heart to your genitals. In tantra the vagina is called ‘yoni’ meaning sacred space, and the penis is referred to as ‘lingam’ meaning wand of light.
Placing one hand on your heart, and the other hand on your yoni or lingam, take a few deep breaths in and out. Focus your intention on connecting your heart to your yoni/lingam. As you breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth allow yourself to drop into your own breath rhythm. You may even want to synchronise the breath with the LM and notice how your sexual energy rises on the in-breath when squeezing that muscle, and how it drops back down again when you release it fully while breathing out.
Opening ritual for tantric practice
If you really want to deepen your understanding of what tantra is and how to do it, you can always allow me to be your personal guide and learn with my mini audio series, ‘Claim Your Pleasure Power with Tantra’ using ‘The 7 Golden Keys’. Practice with your toys and take your experience to a whole new level!
But for now, let’s start with some basic opening practices to get you going on your pleasure journey – solo or together with a partner.
Tantric opening practice:
- Create a sacred space. This is essential to a tantric experience: light some candles, incense or anything that can enhance the aromas in the room. Create an extraordinary world. This practice will help your mind to stay in the present moment.
- Set an Intention. Ask yourself, before you step into anything erotic in nature, what is this practice for? To explore deeper, longer orgasmic pleasure? To heal and move through mental or emotional blocks? Or perhaps open up to your partner in a more deep and loving way?
- Select your toy. There are no rules here but do be present and mindful with your use and ensure that you have read all instructions. Note: Using the right lube for toys is also essential for safe practice and play. Water-based lubricant is suitable to use with toys and always your safest bet.
Tantric toys for her
Vibrators can be a fun and stimulating experience both when you’re single or in a relationship. They come in various sizes, colours and shapes to enhance your pleasure experience.
What I love most about exploring vibrators in a tantric practice is their ability to build a lot of sexual energy in the body that can be channelled with intention and direction that can assist you to reach a full-body orgasm!
The key here is not to focus solely on the clitoris – this will only allow for an explosive orgasm. Instead, use your vibrator as a great healing aid to release blocked or stagnant energy stored in the body to allow for more pleasure.
The Lelo Soraya Wave Rabbit Vibrator is a great one to play with for her. Be sure to use a water-based lubricant to prevent friction in this delicate area – I recommend the Lifestyles Natural Feel Water-Based Lube.
Gently move the toy around the outer and inner areas of your yoni. Notice the sensations here. If you feel pleasure building up, squeeze your LM with the intention to draw that pleasure up into your whole body. Use the breath and sound to direct your pleasure and to release the tension out of your body. When you feel ready start exploring the different vibrational settings, finding the sweet spot for you. Yum!
A tantric must-have for women
Kegel balls are a great toy that every woman should have in her drawers. Not only can they increase pleasure and orgasms for women, they actual help strengthen and relax the muscles in your yoni where tension and stress can build up, causing the inability to reach orgasm. Kegel balls also assist in blood flow and circulation, which adds more sensitivity, making it easier to experience pleasure and from a tantric view, access a full-body orgasm!
Kegel balls are a great toy that every woman should have in her drawers
I highly recommend trying the Rosy Gold Nouveau Kegel Balls. You may wish to start with just one ball, or both. Whichever you chose, use with water-based lube.
Practice squeezing your LM with the inward breath and release it on the outward breath. Hold your awareness in your pelvic area. If you notice tension simply breathe into these areas and release the tension with the breath. If you notice pleasure, focus on expanding and directing it into other areas in the body.
You may even sway from side to side, move your body in circular motions to increase pleasure sensations, or release pain and discomfort. When it feels right, you may want to enhance pleasure by caressing your body, breasts and nipples.
Tantric toys for him
Most men don’t even know that they are multi-orgasmic! Men are conditioned to believe that once they ejaculate it’s all over.
Tantra offers men the opportunity to experience multiple orgasms by learning how to control their ejaculation through tantric techniques. It’s known as ‘sublimation’.
The Satisfyer Men Cyberskin Masturbator is a great men’s toy for both practicing control techniques and also enjoyment because of its soft realistic feel.
Most men don’t even know that they are multi-orgasmic!
By building and then moving the sexual energy away from the genitals moments before ejaculation by removing the toy and squeezing the LM for control with conscious breathing, that orgasmic pleasure can be redirected back into the body. If you do this enough, when you do choose to ejaculate you are guaranteed to experience a more intense or whole-body orgasm.
Remember, there is no goal – this is about exploring your multi-orgasmic potential. In doing so, it’s important that you know your limits and listen to your body.
Practice bringing yourself close to ejaculation, then take a breath in while squeezing the LM and hold both the muscle and your breath in for as long as you can, or until the need to ejaculate subsides.
Practice this four to five times or more. Notice how you feel in your body. You may even choose to ejaculate at some point and if so, notice the new awareness and sensations that are moving through your body.
Exploring his ‘g-spot’
Tantra talks a lot about the sacredness of the male g-spot. It’s located inside the male anus where the prostate gland is so is often referred to as the ‘p-spot’. It can feel like a small pea. When explored with focused tantric breath control, a man can experience great pleasure and ecstasy along with an in-jaculation or implosion! This is when a man reaches orgasm, but no sperm is released due to the internal nature of this experience. This area is very delicate and must be entered into with great care.
Tantra talks a lot about the sacredness of the male g-spot
A great toy to explore the male g-spot is the We-Vibe Vector Prostate Massager, which is adjustable to fit different shapes and sizes. It comfortably targets the prostate and perineum making it an ideal toy for beginners and the more experienced with 10 vibrating modes.
Ensure you have enough water-based lube to prevent friction. Take a few deep breaths in, slowing down the mind and coming into the present moment. Squeeze the LM on the inward breath and release it on the outward breath. Focus your awareness on the breath.
Gently insert the We-Vibe Vector when it is turned off, or on the lowest vibration mode. Once inserted begin slowing stroking your lingam and focus on your breathing. Build your sexual energy up though exploring the stoking of your lingam. You may want to explore bringing yourself to the point of orgasm and holding the LM and taking deep breaths in to spread the sexual energy around your body, to intensify the orgasm when you choose to ejaculate.
Tantric tips for couples
Tantra is a great practice for couples to explore. It can deepen connection, intimacy, love and sexual pleasure.
In tantra breathing techniques are key to help bring each other into sexual harmony. Men can think about sex and become aroused and ready to go. For women, just the thought of sex alone doesn’t always allow her to feel the same – women need time.
A wonderful toy for couples to explore is the Le Wand Massager. It is great to assist in awakening the senses and releasing tension and stress held in the body, which can cause a lack of sexual interest. It can also enhance pleasure when focused in and around genital areas – and is great for foreplay!
Tantra is a great practice for couples to explore. It can deepen connection, intimacy, love and sexual pleasure
Start with the tantra opening practice. Communicate any boundaries, for example: “I would like to be pleasured around my genitals, my body, but not my arms”. Once you are clear with boundaries, ensure you maintain presence and keep connection with each other through eye contact and by synchronising your breath.
Choose who will receive and who will give. If you are receiving your focus is on surrendering, allowing yourself to be worshipped and pleasured. If you are the giver, begin by moving the Le Wand Massager over the body. You may start slowly or focus or one part of the body at a time.
Be present with your partner as you move the massager and notice their body movements, when their body is more open or restricted. Communicate with each other, ask: “How does this feel? How is the vibration? Would you like more or less? How is the pressure?” Explore each other’s body with openness, presence and holding great love for each other.
Tantric sexual positions
Different tantric sex positions can enhance sexual pleasure in a BIG way and bring a bit of spice into the bedroom. But some positions aren’t as comfortable as others. A common reason many couples don’t explore different sex positions is usually due to limitations in the body.
With the Pipedream Ultra-Inflatable Position Master, you can begin to explore a world of different tantric sexual positions with more ease and comfort, and enjoy new ways of connecting. What is really great about this wedge is that it also has handles which can make it more stable for to explore a variety of positions and depths of penetration.
These are just a few tantric tips and toys you might wish to try, but remember, the world is your oyster and Wild Secrets hosts a smorgasbord of delicacies for you to taste!
There are no rules – just be curious, respectful, present and communicate loving boundaries at all times.
Enjoy the practice!
